Blessed

Today, he sits right here. In front of my eyes. I look at him the way I look at a piece of marvel- a photograph or a painting or a sculpture. His eyes lost in the contents of the book. His focus unshaken by my presence. His fingers unconsciously playing with a pen. This is the man I love. With all of my heart. I could spend my lifetime watching him.
I have known him struggling day and night, just for me. But today I can feel his commitment to give me a wonderful life. And I am spellbound. Unlike mine, his love is silent and wordless. But it's boundless. It's deep. It's way beyond the obvious desire for romance. It's way beyond the want to touch and own. I wonder if I have ever known love of that capacity.
Need I say more?? I believe I am blessed!!

Dreaming of you - Truly Madly Deeply

Since always, my existence revolved around dreams. Dreams of you. Dreams of a happy me. Dreams of our togetherness.

I never lamented my imperfect looks and plump frame. I knew that one day I would feel beautiful. The day you would lay your eyes upon me. The day you would touch me.

I spent countless nights painting your picture in the canvas of my mind. The outcome was always something abstract. Something blurred, that was a treat to look at - Your deep and intense sight that longed for me. Your lips that ever stayed silent. Your warm arms, ready to embrace me.

I watched Serendipitys and If onlys and Titanics. I enjoyed Bryan Adams and Celine Dions. I devoured Gone with the winds and Love in the time of choleras. And I burned candles in the lonely nights.

I relished every moment in your anticipation. I am only waiting for you to pull me out of my pseudo world. And sing close to my ears:

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on
A new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

For Eternity

As I close my eyes, those memories run past my head - loud and clear. It was the last trip before we said a goodbye to our college life. I sat on the last seat, singing my favorite song. And our entire group faced me, smiling in unison. But she looked away, out of the window, at the hills approaching us. She knew I was singing for her. My feelings had always betrayed me, finding their way out through my eyes. And that's why she chose to look away.

Its weird. The petite little girl sitting there, who claimed to be my closest friend, was in that moment a complete stranger. For I could hardly guess what was going on in her heart. She was superb at keeping her feelings to herself. Did she savor my voice? Or did she want to run away? These thoughts kept running through my mind for the rest of the journey, as I stared at her from the corners of my eyes.

Near the picnic spot, I found the perfect moment. She was sitting beside me, leaning on the rock, looking at the beautiful sunset. We were alone. Probably our friends had understood that I wanted them to disappear. Of course, as I have already mentioned, it wasn't tricky to read my thoughts.

Kannu. I started.

I want to tell you something. I looked into her eyes and my voice began to choke.

Probably, you already know, but I just wish to say it once you know. It's been suffocating me. I hope you wont take me wrong.. Umm.. And I really hope this won't hurt our friendship... I, uh...

And she placed her fingers on my lips, as her eyes moistened and a tiny droplet of tear rolled down. My world froze there for a second. A second that lasted for eternity.

She looked incredibly beautiful. Her long tresses sparkled beneath the dusking sky. Her dark eyes pierced through my heart. And her fragrance filled my entire being. Yes, that second probably lasted for eternity.

You don't need to say it Alok.

She gathered her breaking composure. For these 5 years, I had never seen her so emotional. But the thought of separation had unnerved everyone alike.

I love you too!

She slowly withdrew her fingers from my lips. And I kissed her. Beneath the dusking sky.. For another eternal moment..

I Feared

I feared.

I feared that the vigor of someone else's sight would damage your beauty. So, I turned off all the lights around you. I feared that the touch of another body would cause you a scar. Hence, I covered your skin with bandage. I feared that your words would gain you attention. And so, I killed your contemplation with my arguments. I feared that your laughter would make you popular. Popular among the people who could take you away from me. Hence, I never spared you to come out of your pain. I feared that the sound of your breath would make you audible to the world around us. And, unknowingly, I choked you to death.

But I loved you baby.
I loved you so much that I feared losing you.