The Puzzle

Was it an illusion, really? What I thought, what I felt for you. The spark in your eyes that mesmerized me for years. Was it only a reflection of the radiance I directed at you??

My observation tells me that I cannot associate any pleasant memories with the relationships that have gone bad. Like others, I cannot casually miss friends who I've stopped talking to. There's always either regret or blame attached. So I generally prefer not to think, not to miss at all. And the good memories are associated with the people I'm still in touch with, in love with. But you are a different case all together, you know. You , somehow, do not fit my above mentioned philosophy. You linger unattended, almost like an outlier.

I cannot feel guilty for what I felt for you. Neither can my heart condemn that spontaneous fervor, nor can my mind challenge my fall for the beautiful person I saw in you. And obviously, you cannot be accused for the glint that I observed in your eyes. I, hence, possess no hard feelings for you.

On the other hand, time and your coldness has killed all traces of any emotional attraction I ever had for you. It's purely an intellectual inclination now. Yes, you have reduced to a question for me. Quite a dreadful one though. Dreadful not because I fear that it can harm me in any way. But because I fear that it would persist. Like the dark spots created by the teenage acne. Like the scars attained from childhood accidents. I fear that this puzzle would continue to affect my evolving philosophy.

The mystery

Your mind
And the thoughts concealed within
Are for me the biggest mystery
Not that the truth will change my life
Nor will it break my heart
I only wish to lift the veil
I only fancy a victory
Over your hidden emotions
Not that I love you
Nor would I ever do
I only wish to liberate myself
I only want to free you
From the burden of secracy...

Tera na hona jaane
kyun hona hi hai...

It's bewitching. The way you play hide and seek with my senses. Being so far from you, I still cannot manage to push you away for long. All that's in my control is my mind, after all. You are a part of my very existence, my soul.

Moments after I wake up and before I open my eyes, the fragrance of your breath pervades my nostrils. And as I open an eye slowly, I feel blinded by the glint of your teeth.
You quietly smile at me as I take all the time in the world to get ready. Then, while I observe myself combing my wet hair over one shoulder, you pop up behind me, styling your spikes. In the car, as I sing your favorite numbers, you listen to me close-eyed; unperturbed by the severe speed bumps. And when I wait on the ascending escalator, you appear at the upper end, struggling against the course to reach me.

Oh well, you are right here with me. Pretty much all the time.
Tumse hi din hota hai..Sach me..