Was it an illusion, really? What I thought, what I felt for you. The spark in your eyes that mesmerized me for years. Was it only a reflection of the radiance I directed at you??
My observation tells me that I cannot associate any pleasant memories with the relationships that have gone bad. Like others, I cannot casually miss friends who I've stopped talking to. There's always either regret or blame attached. So I generally prefer not to think, not to miss at all. And the good memories are associated with the people I'm still in touch with, in love with. But you are a different case all together, you know. You , somehow, do not fit my above mentioned philosophy. You linger unattended, almost like an outlier.
I cannot feel guilty for what I felt for you. Neither can my heart condemn that spontaneous fervor, nor can my mind challenge my fall for the beautiful person I saw in you. And obviously, you cannot be accused for the glint that I observed in your eyes. I, hence, possess no hard feelings for you.
On the other hand, time and your coldness has killed all traces of any emotional attraction I ever had for you. It's purely an intellectual inclination now. Yes, you have reduced to a question for me. Quite a dreadful one though. Dreadful not because I fear that it can harm me in any way. But because I fear that it would persist. Like the dark spots created by the teenage acne. Like the scars attained from childhood accidents. I fear that this puzzle would continue to affect my evolving philosophy.
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