Love and divinity

And this is why I don't believe in the Love-at-fight-sights, made-for-each-others and marriages-are-made-in-heavens. Our relationship has been more than perfect. But it's heavily askew. I believe, from the core of my heart, that you are too good a person, too good a lover for me. You are! How could a short-tempered, ill-natured person like me deserve an eternally mature, understanding guy like you? Moreover, you always seem to believe, behind those no-one-can-love-me-like-yous, that you could have been as happy with any other girl. As if you shower all your love on me just 'coz I happen to be your girlfriend (and you are too lazy/faithful to find another anyways). So despite that heavenly feeling, soothing peace and obvious passion between us, I can never become idealistic about love.
I wish you secretly try 4-5 more relationships and yourself discover if there is actually something divine between us. That day, I too might start believing in the famous quotes on love.

All right. I agree I am possessive about you. My feelings are very close to obsession. But I try to hold them back because I know they aren't really positive in any way. For either of us.
If I set myself free, my natural reaction would be to behold you. Wouldn't leave you even for the nature's call. Your presence fills all voids of my life, boy. You can't understand how I feel about you. Not unless you become me.
My anger, my pain, when you don't give your entire attention to me- is my problem. And you need not bother about it. I'll manage it myself. Even today morning, it was my fault. I had almost disregarded all my rational thoughts. And did you notice, I did not defend myself when you argued with me about it. Because I knew I wasn't justified.
Though your hug at the end of it, made up for everything anyways.

Sweetheart, when you hold me in your arms, I lose my being. I become yours. I become you.

The Puzzle

Was it an illusion, really? What I thought, what I felt for you. The spark in your eyes that mesmerized me for years. Was it only a reflection of the radiance I directed at you??

My observation tells me that I cannot associate any pleasant memories with the relationships that have gone bad. Like others, I cannot casually miss friends who I've stopped talking to. There's always either regret or blame attached. So I generally prefer not to think, not to miss at all. And the good memories are associated with the people I'm still in touch with, in love with. But you are a different case all together, you know. You , somehow, do not fit my above mentioned philosophy. You linger unattended, almost like an outlier.

I cannot feel guilty for what I felt for you. Neither can my heart condemn that spontaneous fervor, nor can my mind challenge my fall for the beautiful person I saw in you. And obviously, you cannot be accused for the glint that I observed in your eyes. I, hence, possess no hard feelings for you.

On the other hand, time and your coldness has killed all traces of any emotional attraction I ever had for you. It's purely an intellectual inclination now. Yes, you have reduced to a question for me. Quite a dreadful one though. Dreadful not because I fear that it can harm me in any way. But because I fear that it would persist. Like the dark spots created by the teenage acne. Like the scars attained from childhood accidents. I fear that this puzzle would continue to affect my evolving philosophy.

The mystery

Your mind
And the thoughts concealed within
Are for me the biggest mystery
Not that the truth will change my life
Nor will it break my heart
I only wish to lift the veil
I only fancy a victory
Over your hidden emotions
Not that I love you
Nor would I ever do
I only wish to liberate myself
I only want to free you
From the burden of secracy...

Tera na hona jaane
kyun hona hi hai...

It's bewitching. The way you play hide and seek with my senses. Being so far from you, I still cannot manage to push you away for long. All that's in my control is my mind, after all. You are a part of my very existence, my soul.

Moments after I wake up and before I open my eyes, the fragrance of your breath pervades my nostrils. And as I open an eye slowly, I feel blinded by the glint of your teeth.
You quietly smile at me as I take all the time in the world to get ready. Then, while I observe myself combing my wet hair over one shoulder, you pop up behind me, styling your spikes. In the car, as I sing your favorite numbers, you listen to me close-eyed; unperturbed by the severe speed bumps. And when I wait on the ascending escalator, you appear at the upper end, struggling against the course to reach me.

Oh well, you are right here with me. Pretty much all the time.
Tumse hi din hota hai..Sach me..

I wonder

None of those relationships has stayed till date. We were all kids, after all. Had I too committed to you 10 years ago, would we still be together???

What would have our relationship been like, I wonder!

You would be mad about my looks. I would be crazy about your personality.
You would admire my ballet spins. I would be a fan of your Tennis shots.
You would adore my cute sketches. I would love your poetic verses.
You would be irritated by my mood swings.I would be frustrated with your insensitive attitude.
You would hate my juvenile talks. I would detest your adult jokes.
You would abuse me for my little crushes. I would call you names for your lewd attitude.

Woahh..I probably was correct with my instincts. It would have been really sad to associate my first crush with pain. :P

An auroral dusk

Do you vaguely remember??

Sitting drenched and soiled on the beach, you captured your restless heart, and offered it to me for a lifetime. And I remember, how I playfully blew it away. But then, our smiles, gestures and silences shared a strong and clear communication. Like they had an eternal connection! You knew that I was only giving wings to your heart, hoping to dive myself to follow it.